Penny’s Blog

Archive for January 2010

I don’t think anyone’s still reading at this point… but there have been some things I wanted to post, even if only for my own benefit:

  • Sent to me by my sister Alyson: Cancer is a disease. A nice response to the popular notion that if you got cancer, you brought it on yourself through your own negative thinking.  On behalf of the truly noble and positive people who’ve had incurable cancer:  Up yours, Deepak Chopra, and Go to hell, Louise Hay.
  • Dana Jennings, the New York Times writer I’ve cited here before, is over his cancer (hooray!). Now he’s writing about recovery, and again, I can relate. Healing Physically, Yet Still Not Whole

And I need to confess a strange thing that happened to me this month. I started getting reminders, by mail and by phone, that I need to schedule a follow-up visit with my oncologist. And I seriously considered not doing it.
Remember my posts about how I loved the chemo nurses, the lady who took my blood pressure, etc.? That is gone. I don’t want to go back to the cancer center.

I don’t want any more blood tests or x-rays; I don’t want to get asked if I’m feeling any numbness or tingling in my extremities; I don’t want my lymph nodes palpated; I don’t want to get the medical record card out of my wallet and hand it to the receptionist. That was so tiring, and now  I”m so very comfortable. Let’s just forget this stuff ever happened.

The me getting chemo and radiation felt about 90 years old.  The post-treatment me is about two.  I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna.

I feel fine. I’m sure (don’t ask me how) that I don’t have any cancer. In fact, I like to think that my chemo treatments have killed every malevolent thing in my body, so I no longer need to get Pap tests or mammograms or maybe even dental care. Besides, if I never go back to the doctor, I’ll never be sick.

At the next followup I’m scheduled to get a Shingles vaccine.  That was the main thing that allowed me to get past the denial and make an appointment. Even the two-year-old me knows that shingles really hurts, and hurting is bad.



  • None
  • dswope: I just happened by after my I received an email from a close colegue that he was headig for IVPalooza. All I knew was that it was a form of chemo.
  • Brian: Hi Penny; When I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma I found your site. Reading about what you went through was incredibly helpful to me. Tha
  • Tricia: Still here; still caring; still rooting you on!